omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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