I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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