Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
