No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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