Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
