i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
