i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
