It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
