it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
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