I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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