i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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