I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
