You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
How's work?
Spinning.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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