Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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