I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
