I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
