last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
