My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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