in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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