batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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