I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I checked into jail on foursquare
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
