Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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