the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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