she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
