If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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