K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
