xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
