jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
