She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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