Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
