Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You are the jesus of drinking
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
