wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
