well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
they're like a gay fantastic four
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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