I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
