You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
