why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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