I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
they need to just BURY HIM!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
