There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
