yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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