Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
