8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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