this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
