we have officially lost it.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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