I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize