Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
