come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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