we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
