The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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