rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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