Moan for me like Helen Keller
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
