i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You're like the curious george of whores
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
