I want to have your abortion
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
