Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
