so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
