i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
