Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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