i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
So. Much. Porn.
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