420 ftw
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
