Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
