forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
