I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
