i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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