I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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